A Missed Birthday, A Wedding, and How to Break My Heart with 4 F Swears
Spoiler Alert for: It’s a fan theory so. Proceed with caution.
Trigger warning: Substance use, Mental health problems, Self-harm, Suicide, death.
Intended for mature audiences only.
Author’s note:
Hi, this is, yeah, it’s me. I’m kinda down today. Had a couple of plans but couldn’t get them done, so thought I’d write like a light-hearted funny joke article or something. Didn’t realize it could be a bit… too heavy. IDK, if you… I don’t know what to tell ya. Yeah, fun how… Idk. Kind of getting weirdly tired of everything lately but writing this out made me feel a little bit better. I apologize if it makes you too blue. Aaron, buddy, I kinda love your character in BJ Horseman the show, what can I say I relate. Gotta go now.
Sign off: Spider. Era: Aladin Sane. Getting a bit tired of this era too you know but, IDK, waiting for some kinda miracle I guess to get over this era. I’m patient but… Yeah, GOD. Oh, my atheism is laughing at me right now. So, enjoy the article. If you don’t please don’t feel obligated to read ahead.
I have to tell you something. I think I like Bojack Horseman, the show way more than I should.
Hi. I’m, nobody important. Some say I look like the prince of Cordovia, but that’s not true. I’m just a man, a man who worked on the set of the hit TV show,
“Hollywoo Stars and Celebrities: What Do They Know? Do They Know Things? Let’s Find Out!”
Working for the show, the most important thing I learned was that aah, yes. Hollywoo is beautiful. And there is one thing that even celebrities don’t know, the fact that we unpaid interns are a necessity for the making of good art.
Our unsung heroes never get to tell their own stories, so here, I’ve assembled four of them to tell their stories.
Please enjoy.
The Youngest Like Hats, and Knife Sharpening
I’ve heard, if you listen to her sing, it sounds like Sarah Lynn.
Millie the totally not obsessed.
Aah, children, they are such fun to hang out with. This one’s name is Louise. And, I have this weird feeling, and this is totally weird, I’m still Todd btw but hear me out, I think she might be the reborn mini-version of Sarah Lynn.
Just like Sarah, she’s brave, likes to get into trouble, and I don’t know if you’ve seen the new movie but
#Spoiler Alert
Yeah, She fell in a hole.
Symbolically, I mean it’s not like I’d know anything. All I’ve done in my life was write an awesome Rock Opera and, I totally got sabotaged. I know that now. You can’t convince me otherwise but.
I’ve put it past meself. I’m not disappointed at all.
If I asked myself what falling in a hole would represent, I’d say, it’s kinda like I felt when,
I felt when I realized…
Sarah Lynn…
Sarah Lynn…
Sarah.
The Oldest One Does Magic Tricks
I don’t care for Gob.
A mother
You wouldn’t believe this, but my brother is a special agent.
I’ve never seen archer, but, his mom is really funny.
I bet it’s quite fun to be a special agent.
He has a super hot girlfriend and all that and until you realize.
He has the same mom as Bojack.
No not Beatrice, but I’ve always felt a weird sympathy for Beatrice.
Even before watching youtube video essays was a thing, I felt weird whenever I heard Beatrice talk, or laugh, or… breathe.
It’s like there is so much hidden behind the pain of that woman. I wonder what broke her.
Hey, totally unrelated story though.
Once this lady. I think she worked on her own show with her best friend as a writer. Then this other talented funny and totally sane man who never made any weird comment about one of my favorite songwriters writing too many songs about her exes joined their cast and… something sure changed.
Bojack said he met a fly once that made him feel, similarly.
I have no idea what any of that even means though.
All I know is life needs kettle Corn.
Aah sweet sweet kettle corn, what even are you.
Wait.
Did, Jenna… Oh… Oh no.
Mrs Sugarman Oh no.
I think I want to. Oh… Mrs. Sugarman. War. What is it even good for!
The 3rd Son Writes FanFiction
Could you turn it on and off again please.
Roy, before his show got cancelled
Oh, deep positive thoughts.
Let me tell you another funny story about another funny man. A story about how a man once met, Mariah Carey.
Once my cousin went to repair an AC and met Mariah Carey. She wrote a song about him too.
And with all that exposure he got, he decided to make a game show.
A game show where contentment stand with suitcases filled with gold and the audience member has to guess which one has the gold and… oh wait yeah. I realize the problem.
This man is an inspiration to pages everywhere though.
And…
He never stops smiling no matter how hard his day has been. And he always looks good doing it.
He has been a page for NBC Peacock for many…
Wait a minute…
Never mind, I think that guy is an immortal vampire, can’t disrespect him.
And The 4th One Broke My Heart
And that brings us to the final story.
Uhhhh… what’s happening… why is this making me sad already.
Wait… does that guy, kinda look like… Me?
That’s, that’s the bad guy from The Boys.
Fuck man. What’s there left to say.
Acknowledgment and Credits.
All the credits go to the talented creators mentioned and depicted above.
In the loving memory of,
Jessica Walter.
One of my favorite actresses ever.
One of the youtube greats I followed once said, being mean and being likable is very difficult to pull off, and if there was someone who could properly pull it off, it was her. I the individual remember you fondly. Thanks for being who you were. We miss you.
