How To Raise Spiders and Be a Bazillionaire| A Practical Guide for Practical Cats

I know a guy, a guy who made more money than he could ever spend, more hearts than he could ever break, and more clothes and jewels than he could ever eat.

The man used to look a little bit like this

And he bred spiders for a living, thousands and thousands of spiders, in a place called

Ma-a-a-ARS!!

Chapter 1: Ziggy

Ziggy played guitar
He played it left hand
Became the special man
Then we were Ziggy's band
-Ziggy Stardust

Did you know, Freddie was born Indian?

Did you know, Stefani, named herself after one of Freddie’s songs?

I didn’t. I thought she named herself after the Hindi words that meant Sing, and added another Sing to it because she was… ummm

Radio GA-GA!

Radio Blah Blah

RadioOOOOO

Someone Still Loves you

It’s 2014

We got MTV for the first time on our TV. I, tiny-brained and big-eyed, watch the richest and handsomest man in the world interview a girl in a blond wig. The man must’ve felt sorry for her, [David- “Or awkward, you know, men feel awkward sometimes too”] because he took off his watch and offered it to her, and she, refused. The man was so moved, he proposed to her [David- “I think it was a paid audience member Tee”] offering her to be what every woman in the world dreams and aspires to be, being the wife [David- “That blue check moron said date”] of a much, much, MUCH, older gentleman.

Oh, and I think they… also talked about Coconut oil.

It’s 2015

Turns out the blond girl is actually quite big a deal.

Juda

Judas

Juda

[David- “Just dance is way better”]

Shut up

Judas

Juda

GAGA

That was the year when I first got on this wonderful little website called, umm… Yeah. Yes. That one. Yes, the one with all the Mr. Peter Files.

I followed links to many websites and eventually, I found one called thetoptens, I think. And that told me

1. Why Katy Perry is way better than Lady Gaga and here’s why,
2. Why Taylor Swift totally deserves way more recognition than Katy Perry and here’s why,
3. Why Lady Gaga is garbage and here’s why,
4. Why I, yes, I the person deserve to die, and here’s why
5. Why all Katy Perry, Lady Gaga, and especially Taylor Swift are garbage, and here’s why,
6. Why my mom doesn’t love me, which later turned out to be right, and here’s why,
7. Why fedoras are cool, and here’s why,
8. .
9. .
10. .
11. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA……………………

Just to name a few.

It’s 11 January now

My cousin’s birthday was on the first. They went out to Deepor Bil for a picnic. They were posting photos in the previously mentioned Peter File site. My mom told me to like them and comment, “Ati Xundar” or something. I, instead was looking at and contemplating the texts [David-” It might have been a phone call, a polite one, it wasn’t that bad Tee, stop exaggerating.”] my roommate’s boyfriend sent me about how I should be the one moving out of the room for the duration of my roommate’s high secondary exams. We still had our classes going on at that point, our school insisted (with the threats of NC/DC obviously) that we all attend and, I asked my parents if I could come home to which they said a 5+ hour journey which probably wasn’t worth it and I, YES, I should be the one who gets along better with my roommate and there was a huge partition in the middle of my room which um, yeah my roommate didn’t explicitly tell me that she hated me at that point so, umm.

I got back onto the blue and white site.

*Scroll*

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It’s 2021

Everyone kind of thinks you tried to kill yourself for a boy.

You didn’t.

This time.

You’ve actually been trying to kill yourself ever since you realized

EVERYTHING

THAT THEY EVER TOLD YOU

IS

A

.

.

.

LIE

Chapter 2: The Spiders

You're too old to lose it, too young to choose it
And the clock waits so patiently on your song
You walk past the café, but you don't eat
When you've lived too long
Oh, no, no, no, you're a rock 'n' roll suicide
-Rock and Roll Suicide

Charles Manson, born in 1934, died at the age of 83 on November 19, 2017. Forty-three years ago, an American prosecutor named Vincent Bugliosi collaborated with American writer Curt Gentry to write a book. In 1976, production company Lorimar Television made a movie based on that book. Director Ari Aster went on to create one of the most talked about movies of 2019 that revitalize many conversations. Internet drunk with the handle ‘I hide my stupidity behind my mask of carelessness’ went on to brutally destroy (with facts and logic if I may add) the Ari Aster movie by comparing it to the 1980 classic The Shining. Internet Reactor went on to immortalize him by screaming “Cool bro, Sick Burn” while playing Mr. Drunk’s video in the background. I scrolled forward to watch a video where they made former cult members review the Ari Aster movie, and they bought up Charles Manson and some other cult classics. But, the most important thing, the thing that is most important to our story, and learning how to raise spiders happened two years prior to the book’s release.

1972

I kept reading poems about the city that constantly drowned when I was little.

I then grew up a little, and, I started hearing songs from the guys

Who Live by the

Ri -V-V-V-aaaaaa

*Bird noises*

*Bird Noises*

London Calling

London Calling

London…

I wonder if they had floods back in ’72.

An Exclusive Interview with Ziggy’s Spiders

Recorded on the first available shot. When Ziggy was too busy making love to his own ego. Don’t worry, he’s not gonna take it too far. It’s just that, he heard these little boys, in red glasses, say,

Slip inside the eye of your mind
Don't you know you might find
A better place to play
You said that you'd never been
But all the things that you've seen
Slowly fade away...
.
.
.
But don't look back in anger
I heard you say.
~Don't look Back in Anger - OASIS

Taylor (Species: Half God Half Alien)

Baby love, I think I've been a little too kind
Didn't notice you walking all over my peace of mind
In the shoes I gave you as a present
Puttin' someone first only works when you're in their top five
And by the way, I'm going out tonight
.
.
Best believe I'm still bejeweled.
~BEJEWELED - Taylor Swift

[Take 52… *hushed voice* “Taylor, you okay”, “We’re starting”, action]

“Hi, I am Taylor, Swift, obviously.”

*Laugh*

“No, God no. Oh! I wish! I wish! I was humming Lavender Haze for a while. Yes, I just heard it yesterday. That’s a catchy song, isn’t it? Yes” *takes a puff* “Yes. That’s a really good song. No, unironically. I am a Swiftey, and have been since ’15.”

“Hi. My friends call me Annie. I covered a song with Ziggy back in, yes ’92, how does that idiot child know that? I thought the whole Google Ecosystem, and Bard, Bird, yes, Alexa, whatever, that was broken. They are an Ex-Engineer, Gosh. I kind of think they are just obsessed with David. *laugh*”

“Oh they admit it” *laugh* Äah yes, I always think it’s fun when a Child, and I mean a literal child, I think they weren’t even born when I did that performance … *laughs* See. Yeah, crazy, isn’t it!

“Why did they choose me? Oh, yeah, yeah. They said they felt bad for me not being able to keep up with Freddie? Well duh!!! He’s Freddie. Of course, we’re not supposed to *Does a quote sign* KeeP uP with him. He was Freddie. We were suppo…, yes…, remind. You. Of him. Yes. That’s absolutely *pause* Freddie, he had a voice that, we’re not, yeah… Yeah, exactly it does sound like, okay a little bit like blasphemy… yes specifically to someone who grew up as a… yes… how does this fetus know more about Freddie, David, and oh, it says it knows about me too. Okay, let’s hear it then.”

…

*Audible laughter*

“The X-Men voice sample lady. No, I think that was a joke. I can’t tell… Yes, that’s true, we’ve never met. It’s all parasocial.”

…

“Humm, yeah, now, taking… Recent and I mean, absolute RECENT events in consideration, I, along with, yeah, AI, whatever, I covered a song with Ziggy, back in ’92, I get to, oh yeah, that AI or whatever is portraying me… You saw community right? No, I’m surprised that I did too, But yeah. pierce HAD to be OLD. You made me lose my train of thought. But…”

“Yeah… I think it’s quite funny that my voice got sampled in X-Men and not… yeah… no we…”

….

“They said they like me because of the cow, that appeared out of MY Bindi… Oh, they clarified that back then, Yeah, exactly, it was a cool transition effect we, I and Dave, who I dated when we… *laugh* Yeah, there is something about that letter, Dave, David, Todd, but that’s backward … *laugh* Yeah, that’s correct. Aah that’s, that’s an old video… Oh, they do like watching old videos on Youtube because their Dad, Shoutout to Todd, runs a music review channel, oh that’s so sweet.”

…

*Laugh*

“That, yeah, fair. At least they didn’t lie. Oh honey, I understand. I don’t know if you know this but … *laugh* oh yeah *in synchronization* I was in a band, Yes, The Eurythmics.”

…

“Are we done? Already … Oh, you didn’t get time to research because they made you watch, yeah, I CAN see your watch history. Yeah. I *laugh* too think you’d do better in arts, you seem very art-y. Does that match? … *laugh* Oh yeah, no don’t make them study Economics, they do have friends that study MBA. They’ll be fine without an Economics degree.”

…

“Oh, I know. I know it’s not real too. But it’s fun to Daydream.”

*laugh* “I do know her actually, that was funny. The moo song, yes. I know. Yes, no I understand you prefer me. And I appreciate … *exaggerated surprise* I seem like I’d be too big a personality to approach? You know what … *laugh* Yes, parasocial we never know.”

“Parasocial.”

“We never Know.”

“But no, I didn’t have an existential crisis in front of them,”

“Ever.”

“Yes. I’m sure.”

“But.”

“Parasocial.”

“You never know.”

Iggy (Species: Glam Rocker)

[David- “Oooh oooh, Able. He’s perfect. Make it happen.”]

[Tee- “No, Sza.”]

[David- “Oh, but..”]

[Eath- “Guys, you know who we’ll get if we add Able+Sza+ A bit Sunshine?”]

[Both- *Blank stare*]

[Eath- “No, really guys. I have done the math. I have.”]

[Both- *Blanker stare*]

[Eath- “I swear. This isn’t me *eye roll* Chance of meatballing. I HAVE done the math.”]

[Tee- “Cloudy? Meatballing? Did You mean… Pumpkin…”]

[David- “Kinging/Queening?”]

[Both In unison *Chanting*

Something…

…

What???

I can’t HEAaaaR YOOOoooooOOOOOuuuuU

…

!!!!

“]

I'm comin' out tonight, I'm comin' out tonight (uh-huh)
I'm comin' out tonight, I'm comin' out tonight (woo)
I'm comin' out tonight, I'm comin' out tonight...
...
I'm comin' out tonight, I'm comin' out tonight (uh-huh)
I'm comin' out tonight, I'm comin' out tonight (woo)
I'm comin' out tonight, I'm comin' out tonight
Okay (okay), alright
It's about damn time.
~ABOUT DAMN TIME - LIZZZZZZZZZZOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

*Take Millionth, AcTiioNNNNNn*

“Hi. I’m Sam.”

“And, yeah *playful eye roll* I am the 2nd spider in Ziggy’s band.”

“Can’t you tell why? Because I am fabulous. *head bop*”

“Oh, it’s a real question! Oh. I didn’t realize. Hummm… I don’t know why they didn’t get to pick Lizzo. Yes. I think THEY are the same person. Like Me. *smile*”

“Oh, stay tuned honey!!! They Will be Back. IF they want to. WHEN they want to. *hand wave*”

*hand wave*

*hand WAVE*

*Freeze frame*

*HAND*

*Unfreeze frame*

*Hand clutches*

*laugh*

“Oh she woke up, okay, yeah, yes, Yes. I am Over Love Songs. Over It.”

“The first time… Huh!!! How am I supposed to know? Ask them. *fanning motion*”

“You know children, it was the one I did with Normani, oh and yeah, I think their dad called me, and I don’t remember the exact word but, “Good singer, boring performer”. Yes. Yeah.”

“No, it’s playful. Oh, they’ve never watched any Iggy Pop, and I suddenly popped up *hysterical laughter* Yes. SEO. Yeah, I think it’s, I’ve heard a lot about it too. I don’t care I don’t think I did.”

“Why, no, that was John Favrou.”

“No, that was a bear. No, I am not referencing a community, it was a bear, from… honey!!! Do you read?”

“Oh, DARK necessity. Okay, Yeah, yeah. Probably. Who’s to say? How am I supposed to crack the taste and linking of men in the 40s screaming at men in their dinosaur age screaming WTF at their own TVs? I am fabulous honey, I am not going to be disrespected like that.”

*static noise*

“Who’s… who’s, what is this?”

*static noise continues*

*… been… stressed yeah….. bi…ch I MIGHT be…. bette…*

“I will not be dis…”

*It’s ABOUT damn TTTTTTiiiii…..*

“That’s it.”

*Iggy flips the table*

*smoke*

*everyone passes out from coughing*

*a figure appears*

*The figure smiles*

Figure (singing): “… It’s Rainin Men…”

*looks sideways*

“You happy now?”

*stops smiling*

“WE’RE coming out. TONNNNNNNNIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGTTTTTT.”

“Thank you, Space clan… Blame it on ma Juice boys, cuz this… really… this BITCH mine. She gets what JUICE means… HOOOONNNEEEY!!!.”

“Good NIGHT.”

Lou (Bega) (Species: Fedora)

Really?

[Marketing babies – “You know, you gotta get one for us. Who’s gonna buy our Rolex-exes?”]

Really? That, what did you do to graduate again?

[Marketing Babies – “That’s funny dad. Grandpa said you’d make this joke when they made me the banana Boothe Director.”]

Ugh!

Someday After that Version was recorded

It go, right foot up, left foot slide
Left foot up, right foot slide
Basically, I'm saying either way, we 'bout to slide, ayy
Can't let this one slide, 
ayy
~ Darke. 

*Snapping sound*

*”Good enough.”*

*”We value you, kid, shout out to Micheal, yes, from YOUR favorite Frozen banana booth”*

“Hi.”

“Yes.”

“Mini.”

“Goofie.”

“Pluto.”

“Daisey.”

‘Thank You.”

*Looks back*

*smiles*

*Stands up*

*Exit*

[Cera – “Ummm, the Camera… was… In front…”]

[Eath – “We can fix that in post kid. I won’t tell David.”]

—– The —- End—-

[Marketing babies – “So…”]

Geroge Micheal, that cost me 2 Million Dollars.

[Marketing babies – “But you see dad, you know, uh, banana, I can save the world, with, no handlebars, no… Is that my pocket money?”]

Cera, Micheal, that one guy from that one movie every incel references…

…

…

Your Uncle Gob has something to tell you.

Hendrix (I call him Kevin) (Species: Idol Singer)

You know, if you wanted to learn a language, the most effective way is to get a crush on a guy.

So, if you, yes, individual reader, you, yes you, why do you think I won’t pick you too talk to, you silly duck! Here have my signed rubber duckie, I mean oh, oops… I think I just slipped into my Stray Children… of Men leader persona by… Accident. Hummmmmm……..

Anyway.

If you wanna learn Japanese, get a crush on a 2 PM member.

“Take 15, action!”

The 4th Spider (and the best one if I may add, BEEEEEEEEESSSSSTT, SLLLLLaAAAAAY)

Date: December 2017

“Are we starting?”

“Hi.”

“I’m Kevin. I am the fourth spider in Ziggy’s band. And I am here to talk about how I contributed to the development of the Album.”

“Yes, we can start, yes I am quite comfortable thank you for asking, you guys are nice.”

“Haha, the fans? Yeah, they are amazing. Terrifying? Yes, no, they just love me way too much you know, yeah. Yeah, it is wonderful. Who wouldn’t wanna be loved right? Yes. We, just like every other group and band in the whole wide world, and yes, I did say every, you didn’t catch that, okay EVERY OTHER… yes… GROUP… yes, yes, Aha-“

“My manager, no we’re just close. Yes. That’s why, yeah that’s why he follows me around everywhere. Yes. Yes. Absolutely. 100, no, 200%. I completely and absolutely believe that Each, and every person in the whole wide world is good and we killed evil back in 52. Yes. Radio did kill the video star.”

“Why did Ziggy pick me? Uh, that’s a great question. They said they liked my name. And they said they loved how my shakes made one of the best viral trends of 2013. Ah, yes I did it in my room, no I haven’t participated in the Starmaker show yet. I think Ziggy just loved my Youtube channel, yes I had one back then. Yes. That’s why I was picked. That’s what they said, and they said they loved seeing me have an existential Crisis…”

“…No. I didn’t. It was another funny meme…”

“Yes… I believe Ziggy knew that… They had to. I think…”

“Ah, of course. I… what… ah yes, olive is my favorite color… You’re gonna make the text olive, oh, that’s really sweet, I… and, no way… they told you that? They told you my fashion choices are better than Eric’s? Damn! They also specified not Nam the other one. That’s…”

“How’s life being an Idol Singer? Great question, you know no one has ever asked me that before. Yeah, it’s so great. So great. I remind myself to feel thankful every day. Every Damn day.”

“Oh no, Beyonce. It’s Beyonce. Everyone knows that. Everyone.”

“Why is my most famous cover a Bruno Mars song then? I… That’s not… You know, I don’t think that’s true. I’ve covered Billie Eilish, I also sang a Drama OST, I am… Oh, yeah, Yes, that could be true. It is possible that Ziggy stopped following us after the quarantine ended.”

“Am I sad about that? No, that was the whole idea you know. We meet for a moment, we inspire each other, and we become the spiders of Mars, the band. It’s not about meeting each other in real life, it’s not about marrying each other, oh and don’t bring that up in front of them, they probably will get offended, you know Kpop fans of all capacity gets… weird question, yeah, I remember Ziggy confiding in me and telling me how he had to defend stuff like my gender identity and orientation, and that how the way I look… Too heavy? Oh, okay. Ah yes, I meant… Yes. Ziggy was a super groovy dude. They played awesome guitar. Yes. That’s their best quality.”

“Do we ever plan to get back and revive the band? Umm………”

“Wouldn’t that… be nice.”

PJ the (Wannabe) Cowboy (Species: Hooman)

I’d like to ask you a question.

What comes to yo mind, you pretty traveler, you look lost, may I offer you, a ride? No, no, don’t decline, this might be the ride of your life, hi, I’m

*slap sound*

Yeah, bull riding and boobies. I guess it’s only cool when you Gay. Oh, Miley. Why won’t they like me!

Well, I'm just feeling, mm-uh
I wanna get, mm-uh
I'm in my, into my, uh
I'm mm, mm
I'm still, mm, mm-mm, ooh.
~ He was a Nicky Fan Account, I plan on being the next successful satanic shoe salesman... 's (Social Media) Editor

*Take 1, action*

…

“What?”

“Can you repeat yourself again for me kind lady?”

…

“No, that wasn’t me. That was…

…

…

Julian Casablancas.”

“Yes, sadly, that’s not me. That’s Julian Casablancas, from… yes *laughs*… The little lady, and I am calling her a little lady because… and this is important guys, so listen up.”

“The AI, insists that I, the famous achy bacey heart singer refer to her, as her, because, I should know, that Dolly loves Miley, and Dolly loves Nas, the little one, yes, the one I sang behind. Oh, you know, their dad, *TODD*, yes, Todd, who, lives in the shadows… oooh how mysterious… who had a baby… with a mysterious woman… with… No I’m sorry I can’t tell you guys anymore, so yeah”

“David knows Julian as the guy who held up a boombox and saved the world. Yes, with the help of his three *pretend*, no they might really like each other, … Oh, yeah, yeah, parasocial theme… Sure, why not, for you yes.”

“Julian saved the world back before the “DEAR SISTER” incident guys were, yeah, yeah, SNL, (this little lady really has watched everything, *Olivia -“Everything is on repeat”* and just with a boombox too. Damn.”

“Oh, and he certainly made me realize, that, a Boombox, is Not A *CAT*, no little lady, a toy.”

“Thank you for listening to me. I am pretending to be Todd now.”

“Yeah,”

“Yeah,”

“Yes.”

“I mean…”

*Music by P. B. Livin*

“Once I WAS 777777. 77777 I tell ya. SEVEN.”

*Sobbing*

“A Boombox is NOT a TOY.”

*Full-on crying*

“A Boombox, is NOT, a… Toy, TROY.”

“Thanks for listening to my podcast, this has been song vs song. Join back, next whatever, aah get out of here kid, you are making me blush.”

[I Hope I did DAD. I SURE HOPE YOU ARE EQUALLY CREEPED OUT AND IN AWE AT THE EXACT SAME TIME, AND I HOPE YOU, DON’T UMM…YOU KNOW… STOP THE GODS, from, engineer..ing. Love, David.]

Carl Jung [For the Record, this one doesn’t make sense to me] (Species: Philosopher)

This chapter's going to be a close one
Smoke rings, I know you're going to blow one
All on a spaceship, persevering
Use my hands for everything but steering
Can't stop the spirits when they need you
Mop tops are happy when they feed you
J. Butterfly is in the treetop...

...
...

~ can't stop by You should know who at this point. PJ.

David’s note:

This is a very special chapter to me. This is about ALL, yes… All the heartache and pain I went through, you know maybe, maybe it was pain, may be it was just dramatic. I am a very dramatic child and I despise pity. So, this chapter is… yes… going to be a closed one.

It’s going to be that old Rabbit hole book-like story, going from Community- to a trippy dream sequence through, Nebula, a content platform where my favorite Carls live apparently. I am kinda still poor. So, I can’t access it. Because it’s closed. And because I’m poor. And because I’m lazy. I’m just… total degenerate package, only difference is that I am actually useless… and an incel… no not femcell… incel… yes… conversion therapy/ concern/ gentle nudging towards STRAIGHT life keeps failing SUPIre HArd Honey!!!

Past Nebula, there is Chillie pepper Land. There I hang out with my dad, and his friend who he ratted out to to Channel Awsome, oh and who’s you know the story…. *gasp* You don’t? What’re you doin hea? No, we don’t SELL NFTs here>>>63427u8[‘5o]4de0he38-su99. No. Shooooooooooo…..

I mean… you’re looking at my “product”. It’s not finished. It’s “JUST” a proof of concept. And the concept is, “ME”. Tada. I’m a writer. Yes, Honey. A real One. Nyah nyah, can I sell copi… Inspired cat-ears now??? No??? Okay. Bye then.

Then at the end we reach. Candy land. And emoji world. Gotta leave something for the kids yeah. So. Yeah. I’m waiting for my CONtraverse acceptance letter. Thanks.

Oh, side note* I figured out how to check signatures in mail… Hoorrraaayyyy.

We come out as Todd. How original.

It’s not. But, it might be. I mean. My love seems genuine right? So. Yeah.

For my reps:

Seriously? Am I supposed to EAT clothes and JEWELS?

*disapproving head shake*

The world I love, the trains I hop
To be part of the wave, can't stop
Come and tell me when it's time to. 
~ My SUPER SECRET NOTE to MOM and DAD

Some Other Famous Spiders

---

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Chapter 3: The Years

And all the fat, skinny people
And all the tall, short people
And all the nobody people
And all the somebody people
I never thought I'd need so many people
-Five Years

Year 1

**** *********** Wow such generic. I’m like dying out of laughter right now. Bo. Well done. *CLAP* “I was 1”

Year 2

**** ********** WOW. GodDAMn I never would have ****** God. Such Generic. *CLAP CLAP* ” phone, and laptop said… 1-1…. 0 zen “

Year 3

*!!!* TERF wars huh! totes. zell…. TOTES Damn! “I was BO.”

Year 4

*!Repeat Stuff!* oh. TOTES. supeir zelll. ” I was like oh… okay… (probably)

Year 5

. I was a bazillionth now I decided. Do the math. *”Magic Circle I kicked like 2 bugs today… !!!!!!!!”*

*CLICKBAIT TITLE* “!REDACTED!”

Author’s note

Hi. How are you lovely and non-existent readers? Don’t rely on me. I’m horrible. There is a big wave going on in my homeland and it kinda feels like something may change, pretty soon but… I used to be quite proud of this article but then… My obsession with not being a horrible person has led me… well nowhere so far. I am trying to get my life together and so far I have… failed miserably. Don’t rely on me guys. Anyway, the next chapters will be explored in part 2. I’m here, just gotta fix some stuff, like my life and all. Meanwhile, stay sane. I’m here waiting for my fleaverse letter.

Chapter 4: How To Wear Makeup | A Practical Guide for Practical Men

Chapter 5: How To Dress APPROPRIATELY for a Rock Concert | A Practical Guide for a Practical Groupie

Chapter 6: How To Raise Spiders On Mars | A Practical Guide for a Practical Eb00yyy

Epilogue

Sources and Credits

Writing and Design: David Wynn (Trishna)

Cast

Taylor Swift —- serenading,

Annie Lenox (Taylor)

Lizzo —- serenading

Sam Smith (Iggy) (Yes, *laugh* who is not here to make friends)

Stephanie Beatriz —- serenading

Lizzo (As the mysterious Goddess Angel)

Justin Bieber —- serenading —- Post Malone —- serenading —- Swea Lee —- Serenading

[Ed Sheeran (playing) Donald Glover (playing) Todd… No… Focus… Oh yeah *laugh* Micheal Cera (playing)] Drake(portraying) Lou Bega

….. what… am I supposed to be really cliche and say… Nah. Nah. I probably will (try) to get him Beyonce, or who knows… I am absolutely useless as you see, Useless fanfiction writer… Booo Hooo… sad dog.

Kevin Moon (Hendrix) (I’ll get him Beyonce, probably, *shrug emoji*)

Oooh no ad… Fine.. The Achey Bacey Spider guy —- serenading

Himself (PJ, the (wannabe) Cowboy)

Watch. Nebula. com —- Blessing

David Wynn/Nobody/Useless AI(Curl Jung)

~Casting Director: Natalie… Hah… You rube, you absolute rubes. LOL.

It’s David. Wynn, obviously.

Outro Music

*Ummm yea… MAGIC! circle*

cc: No it’s the !REDACTED! name I !JUST! gussed….. *Uhh God. Let 1 gay kid be GAY. Ugh… I mean. God!!!*

Everybody's looking for somebody, for somebody to take home
I'm not the exception, I'm a blessing of a body to love on
.
.
.
Cuz.
say it with me ladies, won't you!!!
Mother!!! Has arrieved. 
And so has me, 
Long Live the Lobster Queen. 
LONG FliPPPINg LIve The LOBSTER QuuUEeeNNN. 
~Added verse, David Wynn, Obviously